Твой путь не предназначен и не уготовлен для тебя. Твой путь - это ты сам. И зов, который ты слышишь - не извне, он внутри тебя.
среда, 31 декабря 2014 г.
понедельник, 1 сентября 2014 г.
Снова образы поездов не покидают меня в снах.
Сон был странный, но вывод из него офигенный:
Жизнь это поезд, периодически отцепляющий задние вагоны. Ты начинаешь свой путь в последнем, и перепрыгиваешь в следующие. Локомотив - твой потенциал. Каждый раз, когда ты что то или кого то теряешь, меняются обстоятельства, с кем то расстаешься - отцепляется вагон, в котором ты едешь. И чем дольше ты в нем пребываешь, тем дальше уезжает твой локомотив и оставшиеся вагоны. Иногда, осознав это, приходится бежать по шпалам, чтобы наверстать свой поезд. Отдаваться полностью делу, развитию своих навыков, заставлять себя не чувствовать боль, усталость и тоску, и бежать, превосходя свои силы. В конце концов ты доберешься до локомотива... Или прекратишь движение, не сумев по каким то причинам покинуть отцепленный вагон.
Мир полон людей, оставшихся в отцепленных вагонах.
понедельник, 23 декабря 2013 г.
2013
Few years ago I made a tradition to not to sum up the passing year, but any tradition is just a pattern of past state of mind, and has nothing in common with present. Either that, or I'm just too rebellious to follow any traditions, even if they are my own ones.
2013 was a year of change, on many levels.
Not the happiest year, but a lot of good, bad, weird, amazing, crazy things have happened.
I lost a job that I loved so much, because our development team has closed. But now I'm in another, even better team, with great minds running it, and that's awesome. I've made lotsa progress in my modelling scope of activity too, don't want to talk about it here in this blog, but oh that was fun. Thanks Hompe for supporting me in this activity.
My special friend, the red cat called Scully, passed away, and I miss her badly. It's been 15 years together, and almost a half of that age she've been struggling with cancer which we succeeded to stop it from growing, at least for 7 years. In the summer tho, it started to grow enormously fast and took over.
I lost contact with a very special to me musician friend from Germany, mainly because of my own weirdness, and for some reasons I cannot even explain. Just something is going really weird in me.
I've finally got my driving license, and a first car - the last Civic hatch which was actually a hot-hatch. With low center of gravity and weight under a tonne, it handles like a happy dog - it will go any direction you want any desired moment. You really have to hold yourself from being too kickass - it's just so much fun!
In the summer I've met some crazy kids, which are awesome. Their way of thinking is mind-blowing, oh and they showed me Doctor Who, an epic series as it turned out.
The girl I loved with some weird/special kind of love, got married. Its been huge distance between us and it's been a lot of tough times for me the past years, including my own weirdness again, so I cannot really blame the world for injustice. And weirdly the new concept of distance and distant/humble friendship was accepted in me quite easily. Altho the emptiness and feeling that there's no one to share anything with, was something quite new and growing, however I didn't have enough time to think about it, everything else was just too crazy.
But it gave me the chance to re-look at myself and my life. Who am I. Probably I'm still just a lazy-ass artsy kid. And it's time to grow stronger; to become a man.
In the summer I faced the death, and been in do-or-die situations few times, and that was amazing. I never felt more alive. When you stay on tiny strip of metal and there's height of 7-10 floor building just under your feet, with no safety things apart from another metal strip, you really start to feel your body, and... approve it. Right, your legs are shaking, but who cares! You cannot pretend that they aren't, you cannot discard something that you don't like. Not anymore. You have to approve it and take into account for your next movement. I realized that is what "being yourself" really is. Approve yourself. Everything in you, including things you don't expect and things you wouldn't really love to happen.
And I realized that this kind of approving myself and the world around me - is what I'm lacking. Still do. A lot of people live with their own expectations and reject life. Me included.
In 2013 I spent more time with my childhood/school friend than the past few years, alot of things are in common now again, especially the idea of growing a stronger open-minded character.
A lot of weird and epic dreams I've seen in 2013, too. In dreams, I've been to Bryce Canyon several times, before I actually found out that it exists in real life. No question, the best place on Earth for me now. I must go there, at least once.
Also, in 2013 I found a lot of different music, which werdness and craziness somehow resonated with my own during that time. There are artsy guys mainly from Pacific coast area, California, Portland, China, even North Korea and Micronesia, who make some weird, slow and VERY warm sounding beats. For me they're like modern kind of jazzmen, with tapes, amps, noises, samples and guitars instead of trumpets, keys or saxophones; but it's something special about the way they make music, this kind of special approach, like in the age of Miles Davis. To pick some names: Citymouth, YAYAYI, Shawn_Don, Phillip Grass, Ben Jamin', Ages, Hobbess, Tropes, Florial, DJAO, Pheedee, and a lot more. Guys, you are special. Funny thing, that musicians like Brendon Moeller, Shigeru Tanabu or Minilogue are somewhere close to that vibe for me too, altho their music can seem very, very different. I've heard so much of this stuff over the year, and can't get enough, but at the same time I feel that I over-consume music. I must give something back too.
First of all, I'll launch the podcast called "Visionary FM" which features all that music. Just to continue flow of the music through myself, to "retranslate". I cannot just consume. And I must find the time for making my own stuff too. A lot of plans which are unfinished, that's bad. With all the open and border-less mind I'm trying to archive, I must discipline myself on a daily life level. Get all the unneeded distractions away, completely. And maybe think of some daily time-schedule.
The best albums of 2013 for me are Minilogue - Blomma; Shawn_don - Abyss. Also new stuff from Schnauss/Schnauss & Peters, Machinedrum - Vapor City, Black Jazz Consortium - Codes and Metaphors, Deepchord - 20 electrostatic soundfields, Jon Hopkins - Immunity.
I've lost my musical connection a bit due the weird things, and work too, I've been just too much emotionally exhausted. Sorry Marc, Josep, Gavin, Jordi, for that. Hope I'll catch up with you the following year, both musically and contact-wise.
Ohhh and Hompe! You're the man. Hoping to see you and Elgh finally in 2014. Let's make a race! :)
G'bye 2013!
Thanks for all challenges.
Luv ya all.
2013 was a year of change, on many levels.
Not the happiest year, but a lot of good, bad, weird, amazing, crazy things have happened.
I lost a job that I loved so much, because our development team has closed. But now I'm in another, even better team, with great minds running it, and that's awesome. I've made lotsa progress in my modelling scope of activity too, don't want to talk about it here in this blog, but oh that was fun. Thanks Hompe for supporting me in this activity.
My special friend, the red cat called Scully, passed away, and I miss her badly. It's been 15 years together, and almost a half of that age she've been struggling with cancer which we succeeded to stop it from growing, at least for 7 years. In the summer tho, it started to grow enormously fast and took over.
I lost contact with a very special to me musician friend from Germany, mainly because of my own weirdness, and for some reasons I cannot even explain. Just something is going really weird in me.
I've finally got my driving license, and a first car - the last Civic hatch which was actually a hot-hatch. With low center of gravity and weight under a tonne, it handles like a happy dog - it will go any direction you want any desired moment. You really have to hold yourself from being too kickass - it's just so much fun!
In the summer I've met some crazy kids, which are awesome. Their way of thinking is mind-blowing, oh and they showed me Doctor Who, an epic series as it turned out.
The girl I loved with some weird/special kind of love, got married. Its been huge distance between us and it's been a lot of tough times for me the past years, including my own weirdness again, so I cannot really blame the world for injustice. And weirdly the new concept of distance and distant/humble friendship was accepted in me quite easily. Altho the emptiness and feeling that there's no one to share anything with, was something quite new and growing, however I didn't have enough time to think about it, everything else was just too crazy.
But it gave me the chance to re-look at myself and my life. Who am I. Probably I'm still just a lazy-ass artsy kid. And it's time to grow stronger; to become a man.
In the summer I faced the death, and been in do-or-die situations few times, and that was amazing. I never felt more alive. When you stay on tiny strip of metal and there's height of 7-10 floor building just under your feet, with no safety things apart from another metal strip, you really start to feel your body, and... approve it. Right, your legs are shaking, but who cares! You cannot pretend that they aren't, you cannot discard something that you don't like. Not anymore. You have to approve it and take into account for your next movement. I realized that is what "being yourself" really is. Approve yourself. Everything in you, including things you don't expect and things you wouldn't really love to happen.
And I realized that this kind of approving myself and the world around me - is what I'm lacking. Still do. A lot of people live with their own expectations and reject life. Me included.
In 2013 I spent more time with my childhood/school friend than the past few years, alot of things are in common now again, especially the idea of growing a stronger open-minded character.
A lot of weird and epic dreams I've seen in 2013, too. In dreams, I've been to Bryce Canyon several times, before I actually found out that it exists in real life. No question, the best place on Earth for me now. I must go there, at least once.
Also, in 2013 I found a lot of different music, which werdness and craziness somehow resonated with my own during that time. There are artsy guys mainly from Pacific coast area, California, Portland, China, even North Korea and Micronesia, who make some weird, slow and VERY warm sounding beats. For me they're like modern kind of jazzmen, with tapes, amps, noises, samples and guitars instead of trumpets, keys or saxophones; but it's something special about the way they make music, this kind of special approach, like in the age of Miles Davis. To pick some names: Citymouth, YAYAYI, Shawn_Don, Phillip Grass, Ben Jamin', Ages, Hobbess, Tropes, Florial, DJAO, Pheedee, and a lot more. Guys, you are special. Funny thing, that musicians like Brendon Moeller, Shigeru Tanabu or Minilogue are somewhere close to that vibe for me too, altho their music can seem very, very different. I've heard so much of this stuff over the year, and can't get enough, but at the same time I feel that I over-consume music. I must give something back too.
First of all, I'll launch the podcast called "Visionary FM" which features all that music. Just to continue flow of the music through myself, to "retranslate". I cannot just consume. And I must find the time for making my own stuff too. A lot of plans which are unfinished, that's bad. With all the open and border-less mind I'm trying to archive, I must discipline myself on a daily life level. Get all the unneeded distractions away, completely. And maybe think of some daily time-schedule.
The best albums of 2013 for me are Minilogue - Blomma; Shawn_don - Abyss. Also new stuff from Schnauss/Schnauss & Peters, Machinedrum - Vapor City, Black Jazz Consortium - Codes and Metaphors, Deepchord - 20 electrostatic soundfields, Jon Hopkins - Immunity.
I've lost my musical connection a bit due the weird things, and work too, I've been just too much emotionally exhausted. Sorry Marc, Josep, Gavin, Jordi, for that. Hope I'll catch up with you the following year, both musically and contact-wise.
Ohhh and Hompe! You're the man. Hoping to see you and Elgh finally in 2014. Let's make a race! :)
G'bye 2013!
Thanks for all challenges.
Luv ya all.
воскресенье, 17 февраля 2013 г.
Let's talk about critics.
This is the reason why I honestly don't like RA or IMDb or any other source which aim is to criticize or review the art: critics are unhappy people. They feel comfort in things which share unhappniess with them. Thats why you can find, for example, "Philadelphia" blasting through highest ratings on IMDb, and "Joe vs Volcano" keeping somewhere at the lows.
I was rather surprised when I saw a review of Joris Voorn's "From a deep place" @ RA: 2,5 of 5 --- that is insane. Surprised, but not shocked. Looking through other reviews, I found they really like to review the kick drums or cowbells instead of musical message! And that's the thing - most of critics can review things technically, but they can't understand the big picture or message which is hidden in the work of art, especially if the message is positive. And most of things they put higher ratings on - is something I will never listen to even once more. And I find that depressive things are becoming more trendy in the circles of thinking people. In the circles of people which we trust our future in some way. That's the paradox of humanity if you want.
Just love everything which makes you happy and don't focus on those works of art which make you depressed.
Create more, love more, live more!
Good night.
I was rather surprised when I saw a review of Joris Voorn's "From a deep place" @ RA: 2,5 of 5 --- that is insane. Surprised, but not shocked. Looking through other reviews, I found they really like to review the kick drums or cowbells instead of musical message! And that's the thing - most of critics can review things technically, but they can't understand the big picture or message which is hidden in the work of art, especially if the message is positive. And most of things they put higher ratings on - is something I will never listen to even once more. And I find that depressive things are becoming more trendy in the circles of thinking people. In the circles of people which we trust our future in some way. That's the paradox of humanity if you want.
Just love everything which makes you happy and don't focus on those works of art which make you depressed.
Create more, love more, live more!
Good night.
суббота, 1 декабря 2012 г.
"The mind is a funny thing. Invaders, the invasion happens here and can stay here. And that is the sharpness of the blade that can get in, in between your cells. In between, almost, the DNA. And how do you control the voices in your head? Sometimes you can't control them. And it's about writing and writing more. Through the creating, the self-destruction gets less and less and less till' the creativity really has more power than the destruction. It's the only way to deal with destructive behavior. You have to out-create it." - Tori Amos
среда, 17 октября 2012 г.
"Мы растем с порочной идеей, будто жизнь организована линейно. Особенно остро вы сталкиваетесь с таким представлением, когда приходит время писать резюме. Вы фиксируете свою жизнь по датам и достижениям, поступательно, как будто все ваше существование представляет собой структурированный планомерный прогресс, венцом которого является это интервью, ради которого написано резюме."
"Жизнь не линейна. Когда вы следуете за своими истинными интересами, за тем, что наполняет вас энергией, вы сворачиваете на новую тропу. На ней вам встречаются новые люди и новые возможности. Они влияют на вашу жизнь, а вы — на их, это процесс взаимопроникновения. Вам открываются те двери, которые не открылись бы прежде или не открылись бы перед кем-то другим, потому что это ваша жизнь. Я уверен, что мама Барта не думала: «Окей, вот Барт, ему шесть, он может стоять на руках, а в Румынии есть эта девочка, а вот тут у меня альбом Боба Дилана». Это все случилось естественным путем. И то, что мы сами создаем наши жизни, — именно создаем — это величайшее благо человеческого бытия. Мы не обязаны следовать какому-то одному однажды заданному курсу, мы можем его менять, не только творить, но и переделывать. И более вероятно, что мы займемся этой перекройкой в том случае, если найдем для себя что-то, что дает нам удовлетворение и приносит радость. Потому что на самом деле, единственное, что имеет значение, — это энергия."
пятница, 17 августа 2012 г.
Being part of something, and being outside of that.
I love the Stephen Fry's concept about people who are being the part of something, belong to society, city, tribe, whatever, and being outside of that at the same time.
That is so true!
вторник, 24 июля 2012 г.
воскресенье, 10 июня 2012 г.
вторник, 17 апреля 2012 г.
суббота, 14 апреля 2012 г.
пятница, 13 апреля 2012 г.
четверг, 12 апреля 2012 г.
среда, 28 марта 2012 г.
the perfect woodwalk soundtrack
Summer I miss you!
for many people summer is a time for wicked parties. I prefer some quiet journeys in the woods sometimes.
for many people summer is a time for wicked parties. I prefer some quiet journeys in the woods sometimes.
вторник, 27 марта 2012 г.
Сон.
Иду я по своей улице к дому, мимо всех знакомых мне домов, все как в жизни, только я в трусах и майке, и держу в руках одеяло. Решил срезать дорогу как-нибудь, потому что по улице как-то странно так ходить (логично, блин).
Захожу в соседний вроде бы двор, и охреневаю - там такой прямо сад, зеленые деревья, скамейки крутые футуристичные, вообще все очень красиво оформлено. Я бы с удовольствием сидел бы там целыми днями с ноутом, и работал бы. Ну а я в таком виде, с одеялом, на меня там все смотрят - там еще мамы с маленькими детьми, мне неудобно перед ними, я пошел в сторону дома, вроде как, и тут выхожу совсем в другой район города. Вообще очень-очень далеко. Почти на окраине.
Всякие трамваи ездят, а мне бы узнать, как бы домой попасть, захожу в какой-то торговый центр, почему-то сажусь в кафе, рядом садится какая-то девушка светленькая, похожая на Кирстен Данст. Вроде о чем-то говорим там, а потом подходит какая-то дама лет 40-45, и вываливает мне монолог - мол все скучно, безысходность, ничего не хочется, нет смысла в жизни. я так слушаю слушаю, а потом выдаю ей "а я вообще в трусах тут сижу, и с одеялом. Я спать домой шел непонятно откуда, нашел рядом со своим домом охрененный сад, где еще ни разу в жизни не был, а потом вместо дома попал вот сюда. И не знаю, как мне до дома добраться, че, пешком чтоли через весь город в таком виде идти?!"
На этом я проснулся.
Спокойной ночи.
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